A few months ago a new family moved into our ward, a family with four adorable kids and two close enough to Jasmine's age to play. I was so excited to gain a new friend, and I invited her out to the library story time.
After talking with her once, even though her kids were kind of going nutso, I knew we would be friends. She was so down to earth, has the same "contain the crazy" parenting style that I have, and was so easy to talk to. We set up a day to have another play-date and I was so happy to have another friend for Jasmine to play with.
I can't remember specifics, but pretty much every other time we'd set up a play-date something would happen - sick babies, rain on a park day, life - and we'd have to cancel. Then the Open Gym we'd go to together got too expensive for me, I picked up 15 more hours a week of work including during story time, and winter made it impossible to meet up at the park, and with everything combined we just... stopped hanging out. I'd see her at church and chat for a minute, mention something about meeting up at the park again, hope it would actually happen, and then inevitably go back to not hanging out. Not on purpose, just stopped.
I've been so busy lately that I hadn't reached out to her in a while, but I still had intentions of doing someething. Now that it's spring I thought maybe the park or going on walks would be nice. What mom doesn't want an excuse to get her kids out of her house, right?
Well, fastforward to a week ago and I made a general post on Facebook asking about the black face mask people have been raving about. This mom mentioned that she had a few samples and she'd bring them by. I thanked her and sent her a message with my address. Her responses were short but I just assumed she was busy and didn't think much of it. After she dropped the samples off (I was gone and she left them beneath the doormat), I wrote her a message asking if she'd like to go on walks with me sometime, with or without kids. I made it super friendly and thanked her for the samples again.
A week has gone by and she hasn't responded. She's seen it. Just not responded.
I don't know what to read into it. Did I do something wrong? Did I offend her by not following up enough on asking to do stuff together?
If I were a normal stay at home mom with a more open schedule and no work obligations, there are so many things that would be different, and sometimes I wonder if I would have more friends.
Monday, March 27, 2017
Thursday, March 16, 2017
Life Update
It's been a while since I've written anything and I thought I'd give a brief update of my life.
Starting a few weeks ago, we finally got a Guardian ad Litem involved with the custody battle. My lawyer recommended asking for one before it was appointed so we had more say in who it would be, which I will be forever grateful for. Amy Crider, our GAL, seems very knowledgeable and level-headed, and is asking the questions I want her to be asking. I'm hoping and praying that she sees what we need her to see and will help us set boundaries to keep Jasmine safe and healthy.
There have been other fun adventures with financial declarations and property disputes. At first I wasn't going to write about them, but Sister Worth told me once that I should write down every once and a while things that I went through and how it felt, and someday I'll look back on it and be so grateful I made it through. Even though it pretty much just stinks right now. So here goes: both Ethan and I had to answer a giant packet of questions, mostly asking about our financial situations, but also involving what we consider to be community and/or separate property, medical records, our stance on the other parent's custody time, etc. It took me a good 2-3 weeks to get through all the questions and find all the documents his lawyer, Asa LeMusga, was asking for. I mean, who has every bank statement ever from the last 5 years just laying around?? I was only 17 five years ago, so... yep. Anyways, I finally got it all done, and by the time I submitted mine his were done too. As I read through his answers I just got angry. His wedding ring (which he told me was lost, by the way) was listed as his separate property because it was a gift, but my jewelry is community property because he paid for it. Um, hello, what does he expect to do with a necklace and earrings?? I don't wear them anymore because they were from him, but I want to keep them so I can sell them to a pawn shop and pay of some of these dang legal fees. He is also claiming that I bought my car with the understanding that it would be a family car, and then "kept it for myself" once we separated. Now I have to go through all my financial records and prove that I paid for the car with my own money, not community money, and that it was never intended to be a "family car". And of course at the same time I'm trying to get financial aid from the FAFSA, but BYUI wants proof of income for every employment I had in 2015 before they give me any money because I filed taxes with Ethan in 2015 and now we're separated. It's all a big giant mess and I hate it.
To add to the mess from last year, now Mom & Dad and I are trying to figure out how we're supposed to file our taxes for this year; Jasmine and I have definitely been dependent on them for everything, but if they claim me on their taxes I could lose my heath and education benefits, which I can't afford on my own. We're still trying to figure out how in the world to make it all work.
My social life has been lacking for a long time, but I'm finally starting to feel it. I am with kids for almost 30 hours a week, my calling is in the nursery, and I'm not legally single yet, so I don't feel like I can just go hang out with a group of people my age. I went to institute once with Kiersten, but I felt like I had to sneak out afterwards because it's still so awkward to be with a bunch of single guys. Girls are whatever, but guys are just awkward. All I want is to talk to adults my age, to someone I can kind of relate to, but instead I get to talk to toddlers every day all day. Don't get me wrong, I love my toddler. But sometimes I want to talk about something other than a pretend family going camping or the "doggies need food". Something that uses my brain would be nice every once and a while.
I don't know, maybe I'm complaining too much. But sometimes I just want to be done with everything for like 3 weeks and regroup from there. LIFE.
Starting a few weeks ago, we finally got a Guardian ad Litem involved with the custody battle. My lawyer recommended asking for one before it was appointed so we had more say in who it would be, which I will be forever grateful for. Amy Crider, our GAL, seems very knowledgeable and level-headed, and is asking the questions I want her to be asking. I'm hoping and praying that she sees what we need her to see and will help us set boundaries to keep Jasmine safe and healthy.
There have been other fun adventures with financial declarations and property disputes. At first I wasn't going to write about them, but Sister Worth told me once that I should write down every once and a while things that I went through and how it felt, and someday I'll look back on it and be so grateful I made it through. Even though it pretty much just stinks right now. So here goes: both Ethan and I had to answer a giant packet of questions, mostly asking about our financial situations, but also involving what we consider to be community and/or separate property, medical records, our stance on the other parent's custody time, etc. It took me a good 2-3 weeks to get through all the questions and find all the documents his lawyer, Asa LeMusga, was asking for. I mean, who has every bank statement ever from the last 5 years just laying around?? I was only 17 five years ago, so... yep. Anyways, I finally got it all done, and by the time I submitted mine his were done too. As I read through his answers I just got angry. His wedding ring (which he told me was lost, by the way) was listed as his separate property because it was a gift, but my jewelry is community property because he paid for it. Um, hello, what does he expect to do with a necklace and earrings?? I don't wear them anymore because they were from him, but I want to keep them so I can sell them to a pawn shop and pay of some of these dang legal fees. He is also claiming that I bought my car with the understanding that it would be a family car, and then "kept it for myself" once we separated. Now I have to go through all my financial records and prove that I paid for the car with my own money, not community money, and that it was never intended to be a "family car". And of course at the same time I'm trying to get financial aid from the FAFSA, but BYUI wants proof of income for every employment I had in 2015 before they give me any money because I filed taxes with Ethan in 2015 and now we're separated. It's all a big giant mess and I hate it.
To add to the mess from last year, now Mom & Dad and I are trying to figure out how we're supposed to file our taxes for this year; Jasmine and I have definitely been dependent on them for everything, but if they claim me on their taxes I could lose my heath and education benefits, which I can't afford on my own. We're still trying to figure out how in the world to make it all work.
My social life has been lacking for a long time, but I'm finally starting to feel it. I am with kids for almost 30 hours a week, my calling is in the nursery, and I'm not legally single yet, so I don't feel like I can just go hang out with a group of people my age. I went to institute once with Kiersten, but I felt like I had to sneak out afterwards because it's still so awkward to be with a bunch of single guys. Girls are whatever, but guys are just awkward. All I want is to talk to adults my age, to someone I can kind of relate to, but instead I get to talk to toddlers every day all day. Don't get me wrong, I love my toddler. But sometimes I want to talk about something other than a pretend family going camping or the "doggies need food". Something that uses my brain would be nice every once and a while.
I don't know, maybe I'm complaining too much. But sometimes I just want to be done with everything for like 3 weeks and regroup from there. LIFE.
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